


Absent

by ShinigamiMask



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet happiness, F/F, Heavy Angst, Light Angst, Memories, Pain, Sad Ajay, Sadness, Wraith is somewhere, also caustic but he's not important in this story at all, i should be writing my multichapters but oneshots come easier, only a mention of octane, pathfinder too but only in a small sliver, phone chats, post relationship, texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 05:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18218921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinigamiMask/pseuds/ShinigamiMask
Summary: Looking at phone can be painful, but so can other things when it reminds you of a certain someone.





	Absent

**Author's Note:**

> Yall I'm thanking the buddy Jay for Beta-ing this for me cuz I'm a hot pile of garbage when it comes to writing. Also to Kio to gave me a band name idea because I'm not creative. To the discord who gave me writin juice.

_“Hey, it's Wraith. You've reached my number, I'll call back as soon as possible. Leave a message.”_

Ajay moves her phone away from her ear, staring at the screen through the darkness. 

The plastic galaxy sticking on the walls glow duller by the day. Ajay doesn't want to take them down to replace it with brighter ones. Wraith liked it in this exact order, with the sun and moon in the middle of a pit of stars. Fixing it would be removing a small piece of her memory.

_“You're the moon of my life Ajay.” Wraith stuttered out one day while the two were in bed._

_“Well then, you're my sun and stars.” Ajay had replied, giving her a small kiss on the cheek._

Ajay tries not to think too hard on the memory, turning around to face away from the walls covered by the dull galaxy.

It's 4 in the morning. There's no sun, and there's an empty spot in her bed.

She misses the feeling of _her_ warmth.  
She misses the feeling of cuddling _her_ other half.  
She misses the shared secrets.  
She misses the small kisses and gifts.  
She misses the sound of _her_ tired voice every morning.  
She misses being able to comfort _her_ in times of need.  
She misses _her_ , and the feeling hasn't gone away.

Scrolling through her phone, Ajay decides to opens up her messages. 

She looks at Wraith's name, blinking through incoming tears that threatened to fall and stain the pillow.

The hundreds of messages from the others don’t seem as important to Ajay now. 

She hesitates for a moment before tapping on Wraith’s message tab.

She doesn't have the heart to delete it.

There's a shift in the light, before a conversation between the two pops up. 

Ajay diverts her eyes to the corner.

Staring at the last message Wraith had sent to her, as if it was the exact source of pain.

_“Ajay...please help me. I know you're mad but something's wrong. I can’t phase properly.”_

The chat box seems small all of a sudden.

Wraith had sent that message a month ago. 

Ajay doesn't remember a time she saw much besides her room. Elliott and Octane are the ones that force her to socialize with others. 

Ajay scrolls up, looking through old conversations and messages Wraith had sent to her. They suddenly have much more meaning to them now that she's gone.

_“Happy Valentine's Ajay. I uh, didn't know what to get you, but your gift is in your room.”_

February 14th, 2:00 PM.

Her gift ended up being a small plush of herself.  
She recalls what Wraith said to her after she had won her Apex Match. 

_“So I had no idea they had merchandise of us, and I bought a matching one, of you of course. For when I need a reminder of what you look like, heh, they even got your hair buns right.”_

The blush that dusted Wraith's pale cheeks were the highlight of that day.

She remembers the other reason Wraith had bought it, and it seems to hurt too much now.

_“It's for when I'm not here. Or if you're lonely.”_

Ajay looks to her nightstand, the Wraith plush seems so small next to her clock. She reaches over, grabbing the plush ever so gently, before securing it in her arms. The plush is her treasure.

Losing it would be like losing a piece of her heart and soul.

Ajay scrolls up a bit more.

_“Hey Ajay, I need some help. Elliott says his stomach hurts after eating ice cream. Don't think he's lactose intolerant though.”_

February 12th. 10:56 PM.

Wraith, Elliott, and Pathfinder had been celebrating their Apex win that day, Pathfinder being the one to suggest ice cream, despite the fact he can't even eat it. Elliott, being the chaotic man he is, bet he would be able to finish 3 small pints of both mint chip and rocky road ice cream. 

Wraith had to rush Elliott to her later.

_“Hey Ajay we need your help. Octavio injected Elliott with some of his stim and now Elliott's acting all weird, he won't stop running around and we can't catch him. I think he's running towards Caustic, please help. Octavio's encouraging him.”_

February 6th. 11:34 AM.

_“Hey Ajay, good luck with your game today.”_

February 1st. 1:02 PM

_“Ajay, babeeee…I think someone replaced my cookies with something else...I feel..funky.”_

January 29th. 9:15 PM.

_“I think DOC got into my room somehow, but I was wondering...would it be possible if I could move into your room? I sleep easier when I’m next to you.”_

January 15th. 3:29 AM

Ajay stops at one last text, going up any further would hurt too much.

The one she stopped on left a scar in her heart anyways. 

_“Hey babe, make a wish! I'll tell you mine because I'm sure it'll always stay true anyways. I wish that we'll always be in love. No matter where or who we are, Even in another life. As cheesy as that sounds of me. Don't tell me yours though. Huh, I think that alcohol Elliott gave me is kicking in.”_

January 1st. 11:11 PM.

“I wish you were still here.” The whisper travels nowhere. 

Ajay looks to the clock on her phone screen, it’s 5:45 now. Exactly one hour and forty-five minutes of staring at her phone full of text messages. 

Ajay realizes this has been rather common ever since the incident. 

The incident that took _her._

She doesn’t want to think on it for too long. Shooting up from her bed, Ajay takes the mini Wraith in her arms, moving it to her lap, before stretching. 

She really didn’t want to do anything. Maybe just sleep for the rest of her days. 

Her phone vibrates next to her.

Ajay knows who it is, but she doesn’t bother answering, only putting it into the pocket of her pajama shorts. Throwing the cover and blankets off of herself, she gets up to walk to her vanity, taking a seat on the bench that extends longer than it should. 

_“Hey, maybe you should get a longer bench for when I’m here. I like it when you do my hair Ajay.”_

Ajay sets the Wraith plush down on the corner of the vanity mirror, making sure it can face up, only, she watches it slump down a bit. She sighs, pressing a button to turn on the string of hearts and stars. The light shining through the darkness of the room, only to temporarily make her feel less alone. 

_“Maybe you should add some lights on your vanity mirror. Just a suggestion- a lamp doesn’t seem like you.”_

Ajay takes a minute to register how much clutter is actually on her vanity. Hair ties, bandanas, clips, sticky notes, combs, and some hair products. All spread out as if someone was trying to look for something specific. 

_“Hey, sorry I kept stealing your hair ties, I only need some.”_

_“Think I can snatch one of your bandanas? Smells like your shampoo. I like that.”_

_“This clip looks weird in my hair Ajay.”_

_“Elliott told me to put sticky notes onto your vanity, for whatever. Drawings, reminders, things of that sort what not.”_

_“Ajay I don’t think your hair spray is meant for my hair.”_

Ajay grabs a comb after searching through the clutter, attempting to take out all of the knots thanks to her bed head hair. 

She starts to hum, glancing to the two ticket stubs attached to the vanity mirror by a piece of pink washi tape. 

_“Hey, happy birthday. I got us tickets to that one band you like. Taking Back June was it? I may have...coaxed Octane for some money.”_

Ajay can’t listen to Taking Back June properly anymore without thinking of the time she was with her, crammed in a pit of sweaty bodies and loud cheers. 

Her phone rings again, she only settles with taking it out, glancing at the caller through tears that ran down her cheeks. The phone’s light illuminating them like stars in the night sky. 

**Elliott Witt is calling.**

Ajay almost taps decline. 

_“Hey, please answer Ajay. I know you’re hurting. I'm sure your parents didn’t mean that about dating me.” She thinks of the voicemail Wraith left._

Her hand trembles, shaking with a lack of grip on the device. 

She lets the call pass. Knowing Elliott will send text messages she’ll purposely ignore.  
She tosses her phone on her bed, allowing it to be eaten in a sea of pillows and blankets.

 

The sun eventually rises through the sky, small rays shine through the semi-closed blinds on her window. 

_“Ajay...close the blinds...it’s bright…”_

Ajay closes them. 

_“Can we go back to sleep? It’s too early.”_

Ajay shakes her head violently, attempting to ignore the many memories that could possibly swarm her mind. 

She turns, punching the wall with such force that there’s a loud crack that resonates through the room.  
The reels her fist back from the impact, rubbing the now injured knuckles. She looks up to examine the damage, missing what she almost could have ended up injuring her hand on. 

The small kunai that now lacked its owner’s void energy.

**“Here, I want you to have it. I have plenty of spares, but this is my first one, see the scratches on the metal? That’s how you know it’s legit. I want you to know you’re important to me Ajay, and that’s coming from someone who has no memories whatsoever. You’re filling up my mind, and it scares me.”**

Ajay crumples against the floor, curled up against the wall, staring up at the kunai in the wall.

_“I love you Ajay, but seriously, be careful when you’re trying to throw that. It’s sharp.”_

  


Ajay ignores the soft melody and vibrations from her phone. It was most likely Octane trying to call her this time, but she knew he was going to say the same thing Elliott would.

Leave your room.  
Eat.  
Socialize.  
Don’t mope.  
_Move on._

“Easier said than done.” Ajay sneers, before finally deciding to search for her phone in the sea of blankets and pillows. 

She stops instantly, glancing to the caller ID.

**My Sun and Stars is calling.**

Ajay tries to accept, but she fell to short. Missing the chance to answer the call.  
She picks up the phone, unlocking it to call the number back.  
She goes through minutes of the dial tone ringing.  
There’s a sound of someone picking up for a moment. Ajay’s face lights up.

_“Hey, it's Wraith. You've reached my number, I'll call back as soon as possible. Leave a message.”_

She frowns, tossing her phone back down, coming to the conclusion there was something wrong. 

No one should have access to Wraith’s phone. 

It had been on Wraith’s person, and her body was never recovered.

 

There’s a knock on her door minutes later. It’s now 7:00 AM, and Ajay knows what she’s doing is unhealthy. 

“Ajay? Ajay are you in there? Please come out. We all gave you an extension on time but you didn’t answer your phone. We’re all worried!” 

Elliott.

She walks towards the door sluggishly, pressing the button to let the door slide open seems to take much more effort than it should’ve.  
She’s too tired and weak to look Elliott in the eye, so she settles for staring at his unicorn pajamas.

“Ajay you look…” he starts, obviously attempting to soften the pain.

“Don’t start.”

“Hey listen, Ajay. We’re all concerned. It’s been a month now and she wouldn’t-”

“And what the hell do you know?” She lashes out, shoving him weakly.  
“I definitely know what it’s like losing someone! You don’t have to shoulder something like this alone, Ajay.” He states, getting a grip on her shoulders, he shakes her a bit.

“She wouldn’t want you to be in pain Ajay. She was our friend too.” Elliott states firmly, not expecting what was going to happen next. 

Sniffles and sobs start to wrack Ajay’s body, the tears she wiped away earlier didn’t prove helpful, as these came in waves.

“Oh hey, please don’t cry Ajay.” Elliott crouches down as Ajay falls to her knees.

“Why did it have to be her?” Ajay sobs louder, leaning against Elliott’s shoulder.

He sighs, patting Ajay on the back of her head. “I’m sorry Ajay.” 

Ajay’s speech from then out turns incoherent, snot and tears stain Elliott’s pajama shirt, but he doesn’t mind. It’s for Ajay. 

He waits for the crying to subside, guiding Ajay back into bed.  
“I'll wake you up later Ajay. I promise.” He moves the multiple blankets over her small frame, taking the small Wraith plush from her vanity mirror, setting it comfortably by Ajay’s side.

All she has the energy for is a simple nod, falling asleep after crying came easy. 

Elliott had come to see Ajay for something else, but he decides to not speak on it, taking a folded scarf from his pocket. He sets it down on the vanity table, right under the roll of Ajay’s photobooth pictures. 

He notes it was when the team took the blame, allowing Wraith and Ajay to sneak out to have quality time for themselves, most likely, these pictures were taken the same day the two went to the concert. He remembers the faces of the board members when the rest of the group claimed they didn’t know where the two were.

_“Thanks Elliott. I owe you one. I’ll get you a pint of ice cream after this, I promise.”_

Elliott turns back, glancing to Ajay’s sleeping figure. “Sweet dreams Ajay.” 

 

Elliott steps outside, the door behind him sliding closed. He takes his time to walk out of the bunkers, staring up at the rising sun, before looking to the roof nearby.

The specter of purple and blue stares back down at him.

“Watch over her, will you?” Elliott speaks out, loud enough for himself to hear. 

The specter merely shifts, before phasing away. 

He takes out a kunai, spinning it around. He knows it isn't the same, but seeing the letters etched into the kunai makes it feel special.

M-I-R-A-G-E.

_“I gave one to Ajay, but I think you’ll find having one of your own would nice. Don’t think i'm giving you gifts often Elliott. I etched into it so you wouldn’t lose it. ‘Cuz you lose everything.”_

He sighs.

“It’ll do Wraith.” 

He looks up to the sky. 

“It'll do.”


End file.
